I've come across some ridiculous sewing patterns and model styling lately so I wanna share the LOLings with you. These are all currently available patterns, by the way. Shall we jump right in?
KWIK SEW 0108: "CHARMING COTTAGE"
I find it ironic that this fabric-eating beast is a "Kwik" Sew pattern (the website unfortunately won't even tell you the yardage you need). I mean, you've already spent enough time on your daughter's gender socialization with the pink bedroom and ballet lessons. No need to sew her a HOUSE made of RUFFLES. This thing rests over a card table, with a storage box on top (that you also sew) to hold up the roof. OK let's think about this. What is this three-foot-tall child supposed to do crouched under a two-foot-tall card table? She can't even pretend to cook & vacuum in there! Please, ma, save yourself the trouble of appliqueing that felt mailbox.
KWIK SEW 3932: COLORBLOCK DRESS
Hey, I like a good colorblocked dress. This color palette reminds me of something, though....
MCCALLS 6597: GIRLS JACKET VEST AND SKIRT
No one will suspect for a second that these are handmade clothes. "So, you used how many different quilting cotton prints here?"
Let's not even talk about the gnomes.
MCCALLS 3880: WRAP...?
This is a great multi-purpose item. Use it as a tablecloth in your foyer, or as a body temperature-regulating cape after you cross the finish line of your first half-marathon!
BUTTERICK 5747: "RETRO" DRESS AND BELT
The line drawing looks pretty cute, actually.
But then you see the collar dimensions in real life. In cornflower yellow.
So is this retro, or...
KWIK SEW 3431: PET... STUFF
I love how these three items have nothing to do with one another, but are all equally impractical. A yorki in a COLLARED DENIM JACKET, with the whole nine yards of flat-felled seams and tabs. And can we please get a YouTube video of Maru rolling around uncontrollably in that cylindrical pet bed?
MCCALLS 6240 DRESS
I think I could see where a waterproof prom dress would come in handy.
SIMPLICITY 2358: MESSENGER BAGS
A messenger bag for the manly men in our lives. Cool hat, brah.
I tried finding real Fed Ex fabric online just in case some of you wanted to use this pattern to live out that delivery-man fantasy of yours, but I couldn't source it, sorry.
SIMPLICITY 2208 FLEECE JACKETS
Good, I needed a way to recycle my old wine corks.
And here are just some fun model poses while we're at it:
McCalls 6608 Skirt
McCalls 6612 Dress
Vogue 1304 Dress
McCalls 6606 Tops
Vogue 8817 Dress
McCalls 6614 Jackets
Beyond thrilled to be in love, these two.
Have you found any gems of your own lately, or am I the only one chuckling away at JoAnn's pattern book table?
Oh, and another important question: which of those poses should I try next time I model a handmade garment on my blog?